I tried and now I feel I have earned the right to say that I tried beyond the best of my abilities. That’s it, I give up. There is only so much you can do, right?
After a certain point, I find it frustrating to be banging my head in a wall consistently. I am a very simple person. A little bit of mystery is enticing, I admit. I do like challenges, but I’m not sure if I appreciate solving the impossible. How the hell do you ever get around it. You dig and you dig endlessly and you get nowhere. Some people, some things and some ideas are just impenetrable. They LITERALLY have no hope. You can throw a tantrum, complain, blackmail, give them the silent treatment…Hell, even jump off a cliff… and they won’t blink. They won’t do anything.
There is only so much time and effort you can put in to certain things. You know what they do to cars that are completely out of hope? They total them. They do that because calculating and undoing the damage on every God Damn dent is too much work. Let me be honest here. Life is short, and I want the best of the best things. I am not a handyman, and even if I do fix a few things here and there, I cannot fix things that are beyond repair. Maybe I should try and learn to live with them in my backyard, or maybe I should wait till spring to do the cleaning.
Something that happened today really reminded me the importance of time. When my tits are saggy and my nipples have reached my belly button, I want to look back at a life where I exclaim : Gosh am I not happy I walked away from the right messes on the right time?!! In life, you will either find yourself with your testicle stooping in to the crevice of your grave, or you will find your saggy nutsacks being held up high — because you built your life to do that for you.
I’m sorry everybody — I might just cross over the line of my petty promises. I might just disappear from a few people’s lives or I might just crush a tiny hope here and there.
I’m running off this ramp in vain
I’ll be spreading out my wings
not knowing if they’ll ever open
I might just land on this face of mine
I might never try to fly again
But decades from now
Looking at scars of my great fall
I shall not wonder if, why or whether
the grass is greener or life could be better
For everytime my soul has gone curious
As to what there is making me this anxious
It has held that unseen stranger’s hand in trust
It has given away love in paths of lust
Making lots of heads turn around
Some astonished and some with a frown
A few friends from the other end of my mirror
A few foes whom I once adored with vigor
Some bites out of me
some blood on my teeth
A few things coming to me too late
A few too many sorrows to celebrate
Time will run out but not the desire
to run far off and torch the past with fire
The last step to my full circle
is a step away from the door of my birth
Tired and weary but roaming free
I will question my very own sanity
Is this my dream or another reality?
Is this all that I was meant to see?
Is this what death is, a longing so deep
Pulling away from the ramp you once leaped
My time is up, but just once more
Let me find the answers I look for
Life will end, but not my quest
I will not however, regret or fret
For I would have answered my very
basis of all curiosity…
I would have known the feeling that
I have re-enacted like an acrobat
The feeling of falling, jumping away
from life as I knew it, from it’s dismay
I would have felt it once and for all
Of how death feels and how one falls
Too bad I spent many years
Giving words to how my jumps feel
But when I would’ve personally seen
the one place man has never been
I shall have no lips or words to tell
The truth of heaven, the theory of hell
I would lie there watching people like me
Jump off cliffs in hopes for eternity
And there I’ll be opening their wings
Letting them fly, setting them free
Jump, jump as much as you can
Explore life till your time lasts
For the only time you will ever know
Of all the things you so desperately explore
is the time when your time will be out
The moment when death strikes your clock.
I will sit here and I will watch
As your wings will fail and time will stop
I will be here watching you
Learning answers that I had too
I will shake your hand, I will welcome you
Howdy, dead man – how do you do?
This is the after-life, time here is slow
Care for some steak? or a beer or two?
Don’t be upset, I’m sure you’re relieved
Of that shitty job and type 2 diabetes
I’m Pleased to see you on this end at last,
I was there once too, really had a blast
Tried catching up, but time went fast
Life was great…but now it’s the past…