Humble Life

I am chuckling so hard. All this paper work is making me go crazy and I am spending my days doing NOTHING. I can’t believe life has come down to waking up and doing nothing. My only hope is that I burn through the multiple seasons of CSI soon enough so my fat ass can get off of the living room futon and go sniffing around outdoors.

Oh dear I am so fucking lazy. Earlier in the day I felt a little upset but it is only because I cannot turn a blind eye to things that are so protruding and real in their nature. Despite the fact that some people I feel close to incredibly are not the way I had originally thought they were or don’t come in the way I would like, the fact remains that a little vision should not shrink the vista of the naked eye.

I realize there are too many God damn things I look forward to and it is, I admit, quite interesting. India seems to be a very exotic place and recent happenings have opened a window for me to peak in to the reality of who I am and where my father came from. I really thought it was something I would not look forward to but I think a part of me has had this irregularly shaped block placed back in to place. My father was never father enough to me, and I do not hold him in contempt for that however I must say a man of his character and personality always came across ass fine and intelligent. Is it not a surprise that the most intelligent, knowledgeable and fine men are also the most fucked up ones?

I mean really, at the end of the day it does not matter how brilliant you are if you fail to bring good things in to the lives of those you claim to love dearly. Whenever I have come across men like that in my life, I have been fascinated and impressed for quite some time, only to end the peak of such admiration in a disappointing crevice of pity. Yes, men like that are quite a pity. Maybe I am lucky for I have inherited some of his strong suites like the love for cooking and some of his IQ. However, I have not grown up to be an abandon-er or someone who places herself over those she cares for. I suppose nurture, then, supersedes nature in a nice way.

Backpacking through India sounds so exciting I cannot even begin to imagine it. I day dream about traveling all the time and I think I am quite literally on the brink of selling all my belongings and acquire the nomadic lifestyle because honestly I cannot take the pain of luggage anymore. I have made a humble list of things I would like to carry along and there aren’t many. There never should be.

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