P-illness

One day without my crack and my day vanishes from under my feet like the ground I was standing on never existed to begin with. I was talking excessively and someone had to shut me up today just so a conversation could take place. That’s the hyperactive side of what I have.

It puts me in a rather quiet spot where I don’t know what to think of myself anymore. I look out the window and there are all these people walking to and from the famous bar right across the street. It makes me want to go out and party too but I’m really saving temporary happiness for long term happiness. I’m waiting for May when not only most of my academic troubles will be over, but in fact I will also have a chance to make it on the Dean’s list – something that hasn’t happened to me since freshman year…

In the afternoon when I was brushing my hair I thought of dragging my parents to Murree or somewhere cooler and just lighting the grill and having kababs and tikka. Just all of us getting together as family and having a good time amongst the beautiful trees and hilly heights without being miserably sweaty.

I’m happy that I am going home and I never thought there would be a day when my family would start meaning ao much to me. Time has taught me that they are the rock of my life and they will never fail to have my back no matter what. Having lost so many people and situations to distrust, deceit and plain negligence, I have learned to value the people who are there for me without fail, and my family is it. They would never drag me down the road like a dog. They never did. The funny thing is that I never loved or respected them. Instead I loved the people who in turn hurt my feelings and disrespected me in all ways possible.

I am glad my eyes have come to see the truth and I am grateful for all that has happened that has lead to this day. Crack or no crack, a few pills do not change the person I am in my heart and I hope to the stars that the trauma of things that rob you of your existence never comes to me again.

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