Stay Home

 I think of what is it that draws people apart, and what is it that draws people close. In the end I feel emotional proximity is purely a function of how much control you have over someone. When you feel close to someone, you assume certain rights over that person, which includes the right to question them over their actions, and suggest as to what they should or should not do.

There are times I cross the boundary I have set for myself, and end up hurting myself every time I do so. I know I am better than swimming in to prohibited territory and questioning things, but somehow I end up doing so and it just always ends so badly. It is very hard to draw and line in the sand when it concerns the people you care about and wish well for. Regardless of the nature of your relationship with these people, you always want to chime in to what you think is best for them, and act on your instinct. Truth be told, the line in the sand is always hazy and wiggly when it comes to people you care about. These people could be your friends, loved ones, or even random strangers whom you feel a human connection towards.

I know in my heart that I mean well, and I am never sorry for saying or doing the things I do out of care. However, not being sorry for something does not mean that it does not hurt. When your suggestions, concerns or little worries are not welcome and greeted with a wall that rises higher than your head, it always hurts. At the end of the day, I can’t figure out what to say and what to do, except maybe just walk away and let the person be the way he/she is. I care, but I cannot enforce. It is hard for me to care AGAIN when I am given a shut up call the first time around. It is very hard to nurture others when you have to nurture yourself. Part of me feels that maybe I did not do enough, but that is not true.

If people do not welcome your involvement or your caring gestures, what can you do? I think what draws people away from each other is the act of rejecting care. I have learned that not everybody cares for you, and if the odd person here and there happens to, you should always value it. I remember a time when I did not want anyone to be a part of things that happened in my life. I wanted to make my own autonomous decisions. As a result, I never shared the bits and pieces of those problems with anyone. If you are not open to the care and sugestion of people who care about you in a particular matter, don’t yo think you should avoid inviting them in to the heart of the matter to begin with? If someone is not going to have a say or even have the right to suggest something you are going through, why even bother SHARING it?

When you share something about yourself, you open the door to people to pry in to your life and be a part of what you are talking about. Word up people – if you don’t welcome other people caring about you, don’t open your doors to them. Stay home.

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Say Something, DAMMIT!

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