Surprise, surprise. Of course I saw it coming. I still dove right in to it though. Sometimes you are just easily convinced that you need people in your life. Or let’s say they do a pretty good job of convincing you that you do. In either case, what is forgotten is that you are far more capable of achieving your goals on your own. I think that is the most easily forgotten thing out there. That you can make it perfectly well on your own. I don’t know if it’s me being nice or plain stupid which just happens to derail from a perfectly normal path of autonomy and decision making and swim right in to the mouth of the shark.
Truth be told I am not angry at anyone but myself. That’s what makes it all the more painful. How can you ever forgive yourself. I just can’t. I don’t know how to punish myself, or even extract a lesson.
After a long time today I feel genuinely upset and betrayed. Yet again people have come in and pulled me down from my sanity to convince me that I am some sort of lunatic, needing their help and alliance and the truck load of bullshit they’re carrying in their trunk. Not to mention how rubbing it in my face is also almost mandatory. I would say I am mad but I am not. What I am is disappointed at myself. I know I smarter than that.