The Ring Master

Sometimes I hate myself for being ultra receptive. I feel the energy in conversations, words, movements. I feel all kinds of energy through all kinds of mediums and it really effects me, even though I wish everyday that it wouldn’t.

When people lack energy or enthusiasm, I can’t help but notice it. I noticed it today and the thought of it is consistently nagging me, despite all my attempts to put it away or just scare it off. But it’s me we’re talking about. It won’t go away till I do something to act on it. I am not sure and maybe asking would be the right thing to do, but I hate being that person who is always asking people what’s wrong and why their pupils dilated by quarter of a millimeter when they did/said something. If I don’t ask, it doesn’t mean I didn’t notice.

I have a very observant nature. I record things that normally people don’t. I read outside and inside, above and between the lines all the time. Maybe that is why I make an extra effort to stay quiet or not bring up even the most basic of things, afraid of coming across as some observant freak. The truth is, I was just born with it. I can’t help it. I read things, circumstances, people, their tone of voice, their actions.

I don’t know what to make of it, and how to process this thought. My natural instinct is to back off and let it be, and as always that is what I am going to do. When you speak to someone and don’t feel the enthusiasm reflected back, it can be a very off-putting feeling. It gives off the impression that your words and time are not welcome or the person being spoken to isn’t interested in your crap.

I suppose some people only want you to speak about what they think is important. They only want answers to their questions. They just don’t want to hear what you have to share, or what YOU think is important. In their minds they are the bestest friend you can ever have, but in your heart you know that the relationship is practically a one man show. They are the ring master, and they are the performer. All you can do is sit and watch, and be a spectator in the relationship. . .

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