Over and over again…

I am tired, but am I not always tired?

I feel the pain of a nasty headache gradually spread through the front of my brain. I seem to have lost focus and discipline and my list of to do tasks every day. It’s possible that I am just going through a phase, but what I fear the most is that this phase will last longer than I want it to.

You know why I don’t believe in faith? It is because faith, and all those things that are seemingly innocent and pure in nature, actually blind you. Having faith, and mind you blind faith, is almost always a bad idea. I am not a math genius, in fact math is probably one of my least favorite subject. As an engineering student, I do, however deal with a lot of it. One thing in life that I have always firmly believed in, is that the probability of anything should never be considered zero.

With time, I have realized that blind faith in ideas, principals, religion, people, fantasies, delusions and even yourself closes you out to the world that is happening below your feet. I think it’s easy to harbor blind faith because Most people are in the search for something to live for….

I don’t know whether I am capable of harboring blind faith anymore or not. There are days that I close my eyes and I never want to open them up again, but that voice at the back of my brain always keeps telling me that there is going to be a day that I will have to, because that is how life is. In some situations is just simply more convenient to shut that place down and live the moment, but some other things make it extremely difficult.

I believe that little chunk of dream that we see, that little piece of zero and infinite probability, is what life is all about. It is about living in the reality of it and acknowledging it but entertaining the thought of a fantasy in your own mind and returning back home to the ways of the world over and over again…


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