A lot of times when I am in this state, the only thing that keeps me awake and aware is my mind, and the thoughts that surface in it.
I see many things drifting away in my life, and a part of my head says I should have clenched my fists tight. That maybe doing so would have resulted in a different outcome. But isn’t that the biggest mystery of the world. The big old “What If?”
Truth be told some things just happen in life, and they are so permanent, so everlasting, you’d want to change them but eventually you just let them be. In life, I believe one thing people are a slave to is the sense of entitlement. The will to question those you adore, and the desire to control your environment. The need to know of who is doing what, and the insecurity of being insecure.
From what I see I am a rock at the bank of this river. Just sitting there, while the water roars above my head. There used to be a time I felt like a part of the stream – and maybe even contributed to its energy. But today, while I sit here in a state of calm, I realize that I have outgrown one thing in such totality, I might never grow in to it again. And I am trying everyday to just accept that. You know that maybe I am not that person anymore who wants to know, question or even bother to raise a conflict or concern.
Many people who have watched me through the years have said I have withdrawn. I believe that in life, when you have finished your journey downhill, and found all the answers, you start walking a flat land, where there is all peace and quiet.
People who are in peace with themselves, never bother to disturb the peace of those around them. The person across the room sees a girl who is rude and unconcerned. I just see someone who isn’t inclined to wreak havoc. What can I say, I’m a pacifist… but I live in the middle of an ugly war.