As I lie here sleepless, I can’t help but feel sad. I don’t know what is it that haunts the back of my brain, but it hurts in an unexplainable manner.
I overestimated myself this semester and signed up for a difficult life with 19 credits on my plate. Sometimes I feel I never make a dent on the laundry list of tasks I have, but what matters is that somehow (I don’t know how) I just get things done.
My day starts early at 8AM and usually stretches way beyond midnight. A lot of times I hold still and look around at all the commotion in life. On some days I feel scammed by institutions like my university, doubting its existence and the purpose of education altogether. I always ask myself how this life is making me a better person.
Patient. Everyday makes me more patient. I was never patient. I never waited. I jumped in to everything in my life, and this entire process is just trying my patience in ways I have never experienced. The dark hole in which my energies and time disappear sometimes makes me mad, but then I withdraw like a person without choice, because frankly, I have none.
Patience goes a long way in life, I believe. It makes you tolerant, forgiving, understanding and compassionate. It brings a sense of humility, which is often absent in life, especially if you seek instant gratification for substandard commitments. Patience also shows you your place.
In our minds we all have this self fabricated image of grandeur and triumph. It is so bogus I tell you, and I feel we should value experiences where you really have to bend over to earn your spot on top.