Dirty Wall

There are always days I see what goes around me and I laugh hysterically. I see what goes on in the lives of people who fall in love, get their hearts broken, or act in weird ways. One thing that always happens is that I can always explain their behavior. I can tell why they are doing what they are doing. I understand their reasons, and the way their brain is wired…

But sometimes, I don’t know what happened with you. I didn’t know you for long but there are times I wonder about you. A lot of people who will read this will think you were something huge in my life, some sort of romantic affiliation or some guy I screwed and forgot, but you and I both know that it was hardly ever about all those things between us.

The thing about attraction is that it does not discriminate based on race, religion, gender or anything of the sort. There are people in life, like you, who come and leave you wondering. I wonder about you, and I try to figure you out, but I can’t. Science wants me to say that you didn’t leave me with enough data samples to work with, that I am playing Frankestein because I have not yet formulated a single theory to test, and keep wasting my time trying to prove something out of nothing. A part of me thinks that maybe I still have some residual bias that makes me partial in the way I think.

I don’t even know why I’m writing about you. There are so many other things that I care about so much more, and should be focusing on, but those things – they are predictable, explainable and they aren’t running away. They’re not out of time, or trying to get somewhere else. They’re there, and I can get to them later. I like to believe I have time for them, but I don’t, do I?

And that’s when I realize why I always find myself wondering about you at odd times. Thinking of you makes me realize what it is that really deserves my time. It points out the people, things and thoughts that I really care about, and eventually, I am beginning to realize that you came just for that – to remind me what matters the most to me. You are that stain on my white wall that reminds me life will get down and dirty if I willingly jump in to the puddle.

I am glad to have you here, and I think I might have just started to make sense of what your purpose is.

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