If everyone I met was worthy of a post, you’d be seeing much more blogging from me.
Today is Thanksgiving – we’ve all had our fair share of turkey and crazy sides, but this is not what my post is about. This post is actually about nothing.
I think a lot about life – where it’s headed, what it is, what it could be. These are big existential questions… a lot of us resort to live in denial because we don’t want to seek answers to such complex questions. You see – asking ourselves what the meaning of our life is… terrifying.
Life is a burden, a mistake at it’s best. It is plagued with struggle and heart break, betrayal and all sorts of occurrences that emotionally wretch us in to a sloppy creature of pitfalls and dilemmas. Yet, we continue living and hoping (HA!).
I often sit back in my dark room, away from the daily ordeals and wonder – what am I doing? What is it that I want? Am I getting it? I want a lot… but just because I want it, doesn’t mean I should have it, or have earned it. You see- there are always two lives running in parallel. The first is the life we live, and the second is the life we MIGHT have lived if we had made some alternate choices during some major turning point in our lives… but whatever live we dwell in – the actual one or the alternate one, we will always be on a path of uncertainty. That, in my humble opinion, is the only redeeming beauty of life – The uncertainty.
Sure you can read books and educate yourself on certain tendencies that exist in other human beings, you can solve the code to all personality traits, highlight your red flags and play a fair game – but there is still going to be that one jackass that wakes up one day and decides to shoot a cinema full of school going children down. This jackass disturbs the coherence of our big math puzzle. He angers people because 1. He does what everyone else secretly desires to do everyday with every passing modern day frustration and 2. He doesn’t fit in to the “pattern”.
What’s that you say – a pattern? Yes, we are intelligent (well, some of us are!) and we seek patterns in everything we do. We learn from the past, we associate actions with personality traits, words with thoughts, timing with intention. We live in a very relative world… so next time someone like Jackass shooter disturbs your coherent thought process ask yourself this – Why are you surprised?
You are surprised because you expect a certain outcome of certain events. Your expectations are not realistic. People can have all the great markers and end up like Jackass, or they can appear to be a high functioning sociopath and end up surprising you. This is what I have learned in my 26 humble years of overthinking, judging, perceiving and theorizing – It is not worth the mental energy to think so far ahead.
At this note, allow me to jerk off to a fantastic looking porn star and go straight to bed, because tomorrow is another refreshing day of leftover turkey, “good vibes” and casual sex with a man who may or may not care about how I “feel” …. LOL