The beginning of the year has been interesting. It definitely started at a high point – You know with me being in Europe and all, but upon my return I am a little stuck in a state of Limbo wondering where certain elements of my life are heading. 

My career is definitely becoming somewhat of a stresser. I am done with my first year at the company and while last year things looked very promising with the whole move to the new program,  the outlook seems a little weird now. Meanwhile competing companies are opening offices in Titusville, and there’s always Lockheed in Orlando. 

They decreased the educational assistance amount per year from $15,000 to $10,000, which was significant. The funny thing is that the company throws us employees under the bus, and failed to inform us that they’re decreasing the educational cap. While it does not piss me off, it definitely reduces my possibilities of doing a masters in an out of state school. 

Speaking of degree – that also seems like a long three-year commitment, since you have to stay with the company for a year after you finish the degree in order to not be made to pay back the edassist money. At this pace, the University of Florida program looks promising, because not only does it give you a general systems engineering masters degree, but it also lasts only two years. 

The shit has been weighing on me all day, and given my quiet nature, it is unlike me to burden anyone with the details of these little things. Over the years, I realize it I have conditioned myself to be my own best friend. There are some things that only I understand and sometimes I have to disassociate from my problems and be the counselor.  

Given my history of depression, and my tendency to over think the little things and fixate on the thought of them, I believe this kind of behavior has definitely evolved from my highly refined coping mechanism. 

On days like these, I am just really happy that I can come here to the space of mine – where I can say anything and not be judged or persecuted for it. Grenadine is definitely a great frontier, and if you’re reading, then what can I say? This is my mind palace, and it is a fucked up maze. 


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